


I have my Reasons

by miagirl3



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Cutting, Depressed Dipper Pines, Depressing, Depression, F/F, Human Bill Cipher, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 21:08:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 5,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11929305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miagirl3/pseuds/miagirl3
Summary: Dipper and Mabel are starting their freshmen year in high school. They still go to Gravity Falls every summer and break they get. After the apocalypse bill became an ex-demon and shows up on the twins first day. After the apocalypse Dipper has started wearing nothing but long sleeves.





	1. Prolouge

**Author's Note:**

> This is the same version as on m Wattpad and Fanfiction.net account.

Dipper's pov

One...two...three...four...

I was sitting in the bathroom that me and my sister shared. I was sitting in a corner with the water running from the shower. I was counting my cuts. All of them made by me. I cut because of school, the war, stress, and Bill.

Bill the demon. The demon that I loved ever since I first saw him. The war was 3 years ago I'm 15 Now. I spend most of my time in bed with my mp3 playing sad and love songs and drawing Bill. Theirs a box underneath my bed of like 50 notebooks filled with Bill. I'm either doing that studying, homework, or cutting. In those notebooks is a few suicidal notes here and their. I mean at least one on every page. I have thought about it then thought about Mabel and changed my mind.

I don't know if Mabel sees anything different. Since when we were kids. NO! She can't know. Tomorrow is the first day of high school. Wish me luck.

I got dressed, crawled into bed and fell asleep.

Mabel's POV

"I don't know gruncle Ford. Ever since Bill tried to take over the world he's been distant. He never talks about me and he buys a new notebook every week clamming to of already filled it up. He does nothing. No socializing, or clubs nothing. He only has one friend and I just don't even know. Can someone please come down here to help me," I asked over the phone

"I'm sorry Mabel everyone's busy. Stan and I are busy with work, Soos is handling the shack Bill is looking for a job, "Gruncle Ford said.

"That's it! Ford our school needs a new science teacher. Get Bill over here to apply. No buts just do it," I said excitedly. I hung up and ran to my room to get some sleep for tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 1

Dipper's pov

I woke up to Mabel banging her hand on my door. "Bro bro time to get up freshmen year starts today!" I sighed wondering how she could be so happy. 

I got dressed into black skinny jeans, a black long sleeve undershirt. On top of the undershirt was an MCR black parade shirt. My hoodie was black but on the back was a light blue pine tree. My hat was a plain black flat bill.

I walked out of my room to the living room waiting for Mabel. Mabel was wearing a sweater that said cheer up and a pink skirt. She had such a big smile on her face.

We walked to our car. It was black noting special. It's my turn to drive. Once we were both buckled i turned on the car and drove to school. On the way Mabel started a conversation. "I heard we got a new science teacher this year." 

I didn't really cared. Every year I sit in the back to not get called on by the stupid teachers. "Yeah that sounds amazing can't wait to see who we got stuck with for a whole year," I responded putting on a stupid smile. The rest of the ride was spent in silence.

Once we were at school Mabel ran up to her friends and I walked towards the lockers. Their I met my only friend in California. Will. Will has dark brown hair with a new colored highlights each month. This month was dark blue.

"Hey man how was summer break," he asked. I sighed. He knows all about gravity falls and all of the shit that goes on. "Same as ever." We laughed and went to get our schedule.

We both have all of the same classes as always. 

We had P.E. first which was great cause all that we do is sit out listing to our music. After that we had English. I feel asleep. Next was science. I got half the work done. It's time for science. What ungrateful soul do I have to put up with until May next year.

We walked into the classroom. The desk were in the shape of a triangle with a few that were used to make an eye. I was starting to get annoyed. I swear if this is Mabel's doing I'm going to kill her. No one knew where to sit so we all stood against the wall. Suddenly I heard that dreaded voice coming towards the door and opened while saying, "Good afternoon class I am your new science teacher Bill Cipher


	3. Chapter 2

Bill's pov

I'm so excited. According to shooting star I have all the boys in freshman year in 4th hour. It's finally time pine tree is in my class. I wonder what shooting star is so worried about.

I opened the door while introducing myself to the class. I scanned the room and didn't find a happy pine tree. Instead I found a guy who looks like him but more dark and sad. Beside him was a boy who looked the same but different. Is that his only friend. I wonder.......

I took out my class list and explained, "When I call your name please sit wherever." I called out the names one by one, "Jason, Dylan, Will, Percy, dip-," I cut myself off and corrected my self after I read the name, " pine tree I mean you are sitting in the Connor blame shooting star," I countined until I said all the names. I looked over to pine tree and he looked pissed. Something strange happened. Ever since I took over Dipper I've been able to get anything and everything from his mind. It's weird.

I was reading his mind to see what he was thinking

Stupid triangle. No one knows anything that happened outside of the falls. Why did it have to be him. Man this sucks. I never had to do it in school. Always at home. Maybe if I ask he would let me go to the bathroom. I mean even that stupid bully Paul is calling me names again.

I didn't understand him just that I saw him scratching his thighs. He raised his hand. Knowing what he was going to ask I let him speak and said go. Five minutes later he returned and got out a notebook.

Dipper's pov

After Bill called me pine tree I couldn't help it. I needed to cut. I never needed to do it during school just at home. He called on me and I took a secret exit to the roof of the school. No one could see me. I made four marks on each arm and went back to class after bandaging them up.

Bill was in his human form. He had short blonde hair a yellow suit with a black bow tie and top hat. He also had a black undershirt, eye patch, pants, vest, and gloves. To top it off he had his cane except it was pure black with triangles cut out threw it. I was lucky enough to be sitting next to Will so bonus. 

The only thing we did was introductions and he let us question him.

Will raised his hand and got called on, "Mr Cipher why did you call Dipper pine tree." Okay I was not expecting him to ask that. I looked at Bill to see what he would do.

"Well I moved here from Gravity Falls, Oregon. In that case pine tree over their every summer and break him and shooting star get. The falls is a very small town where every one knows everyone. Strangers means an actual danger and tourist mean money. I even had a fight with pine tree a couple of times. Sadly he always won, but that parts not important. The bells about to ring. I would like pine tree to see me after school bring your sister." 

A/N I know I made a mistake okay. All the comments pointing it out didn't have to be. I corrected it from pinecone to pine tree. Are you guys happy now. No more comments about the pinecone error agree. Agree.

As if right on cue the Bell rang and I left to find Mabel.


	4. Chapter 3

Dipper's pov

I found Mabel after class and told her the news. After that I went through the rest of classes. I was about to leave and just walk home but Mabel saw through my plan and dragged me to Bill's classroom.

"Great you guys are here. Ford said that he talked to your parents and I'm staying with you guys till I leave. So let's go," he said happily. 

I sighed and pushed him into the back seat of the car. Mabel got into the passenger side while I started driving.

Once we got home I ran upstairs and took out my notebook again. I started doodling Bill again just in his human form. I had MCR turned all the way up. I eventually just started writing another suicidal letter when Bill entered.

"Ay pine tree your parents said that I'm rooming with yo-," I didn't give him a chance to finish instead I ran to the bathroom and got a shower ready. Before I got in I made more cuts on my arms.

Bill's pov

Once we got to their house I met their parents and they said that I would be rooming with......Pine tree. I'm so excited.

I ran up to the room and started to explain but he ran out. I saw the notebook on his desk and laughed until I saw the words on the page.

The page was full of not cheesy but good drawings of me. The words read this.....

Dear whoever reads this,  
OK short story short. I'm not sorry. If I finally have the guts to do this. If I'm dead you might want to look under the bed.  
Mabel I'm sorry about this.  
From Dipper;pine tree

Wait! What! No this is not gonna happen.

I ran to the bathroom and banged on the door. "Pine Tree come out right now! You and I need to talk NOW,! " I screamed at him. He told me to wait for him to get some clothes on.

Once he got out I grabbed his arm and dragged him to the bedroom. "Woah Bill. What's up your acting we-," I stopped him mid sentence and threw the notebook at him. "What the hell Bill. Stop throwing my stuff," He yelled at me. 

I must of been angry because my eyes turned red and I told him to sit down. "Tell me the truth. Pine- No Dipper. When you walked into the bathroom did you plan on killing yourself. Yes or no," I was about to cry.

____________________________________  
I didn't know Will was a name from reverse falls when this first got published. Sorry hope your enjoying the story.


	5. Chapter 4

tell me Dipper when you walked in their did you plan on killing yourself!

Dipper's pov

I said no but I wanted to say yes. "Why would you even think that in the first place,!" I yelled at him. He pointed over to a notebook that was wide open.

My eyes widened and I was filled with guilt. "Do you know why I was sent here out of everyone from the falls," he asked I shook my head no but he continued.

"Mabel called up sixer. She was worried something was wrong with you. Everyone was busy until my name popped up. I was sent here to act as a teacher and to see what was wrong with you. 

I stay one night and find out that you want to kill yourself. Another thing it's very rare but sometimes if I care for human or something important is going on I can read their thoughts. I don't know what you did at school but it was not the bathroom. What. Was. It.," I guess he's serious. 

But what would his reaction be to my scarred body. How about I just tell him the ones on my thighs. I sighed and slid my pants to an angle you could see the scars. Their isn't as many on my thighs as their is on my arms because I only cut on them when theirs no space left on my arms. 

I looked up to him but didn't want to meet his eye. "Dipper." I looked up again then down. "Why would you do this to yourself," I heard him mumble.

I was starting to cry. He probably thinks that I'm disgusting now. I mean why wouldn't he. I am. Someone who can't go to someone else for their problems and instead goes to a razor. Truth be told I have them stashed in the house. Theirs at least ten in every room. Yes even Mabel's. It would kill her if she found out so I never told her.

I looked up to Bill and saw so many emotions in his eyes. Pity, sadness, hurt, but most of all betrayal. I don't get it. Why would he feel as if I betrayed him.

Instead of answering him I grabbed my notebook and blanket then said in a quiet voice, "I'm sleeping on the couch tonight." He tried to grab my arm but I just shook it off and slammed the door.

Mom and dad asked me what's wrong but I just ignored them. It's not like they care anyways. After I got as comfy as could be I feel asleep dreading the next day.

Bill's pov

I fell on Dipper's bed after he walked out. I mean how could he do this to himself. Better question why did he do this to himself? Every summer he seemed happy. He always smiled. Maybe I should of paid more attention. I think that the only reason I did go to bed this night was the fact that I have to teach tomorrow


	6. Chapter 5

Dipper's pov

Mabel was shaking me to wake me up. Once my eyes were open she asked me why I was sleeping on the couch and what happened last night. I really never want to get her involved with this. 

She didn't really need to know about the depression or anything. Okay so I drink and smoke once in a while to, but that's not the problem. The problem is that Bill fucking knows.

He's going to be watching me 24/7. Great no more bathroom breaks. I'm just greatful that he didn't ask if their was any more. I got up and got dressed. Guess I'm walking to school today.

Once I was dressed I grabbed a pack of half smoked cigarettes and stuffed them in my pocket. Once I was downstairs I saw Mabel and Bill waiting. 

"Dipper you ready we need to leave," Mabel yelled. "You and Bill go ahead I'm gonna walk. I'll meet up with you before first hour," I yelled back she agreed and so did Bill. 

I looked at Bill and he was glaring at me. The second they drove out I started walking. By the time I was out of eyesight of the car and house I got one and just walked slower. 

Yes this is why I'm late most the time but I honestly just stopped caring. Everyone makes fun of me, I get beat up at least three times a week, my parents barely notice I'm alive sometimes, and now Bill is here and found out about my scars.

By the time I reached the school the Bell rang. I walked to my locker got out my books and wanted to get this day over with


	7. Chapter 6

Mabel's pov

I'm really worried about Dipper. I thought that he and Bill were starting to get along. Guess I was wrong. First they get into a fight and then he walks to school. Dipper only walks when something is bothering him.

I tried asking. I waited by his locker hoping to get some answers out of him. He didn't show up. I hope he doesn't skip class again. Dad would be furious and Mum will be worried.

Dipper use to be the smartest kid in the whole school but his grades have slowly been dropping. He doesn't know it but I hear the fights he has with Dad I sneak peaks at his report cards when he isn't looking. I just want to know what's wrong with my brother. I'm scared for him. I just have this feeling that if I don't find out in time something bad will happen something that I might not be able to stop.

All to soon school was over and it was the weekend. I hope that I can find out what's wrong with him before it's to late.


	8. Chapter 7

Dipper's POV

Do you know what it's like to have Bill watch your every movement. He knows about the cuts. I told him that it stopped. Knowing Bill he doesn't believe me. That's okay I wouldn't believe me either.

It's finally the weekend which means I can go over to Will's house. After school I grabbed a back pack from my locker and caught up with will and we walked to his house.

His house is a two story with four bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, and living room. One bedroom was for his parents, the second is his junior sister, next his sophomore brother, then him a freshman. The last bedroom is a guest one. I told him I was going to the bathroom.

Once their i took the bloody razor out of my pocket. It was wrapped in a red cloth that has blood all over it. I rolled up my sleeves and made six cuts on each arm. I cleaned up the mess and bandaged my arms and walked back to Will's room.

Bill's pov

I was going crazy trying to find Dipper. He has been hurting himself for who knows how long. I came here to figure out what's wrong with him just for him to dissappear. Mabel assured me he was at his friends house. I wanted to believe her. I really do but after what I saw that is just not going to happen.

I disappeared to find Dipper. I took Mabel's advice and checked his friends house. He wasn't in any rooms. Then I decide to check the bathroom. I saw Dipper. I wanted to throw up.   
Hey. I'm still a demon just some things are worse for us. I flew back to the house and got on my bed thinking about what I could do to help him.


	9. Chapter 8

Bill's pov

Dipper really is broken. He came back the next day and locked me out of his room, literally. I had to sit against his door until he let me in. The second he kicked me out I heard a radio blast off. It was obvious that a CD was put into the radio because of the same singer singing.

I heard a doorbell ring and ran down to get it. I opened the door to see three guys who weren't all muscle but not all that skinny. They looked me up and down and realized that I was one of their teachers.

"Hello Mr. Cipher. We're friends of Dipper. We were wondering if we could go inside to see him," the guy in the middle asked. I didn't know how to answer so I told them that I'll ask Dipper if he wants to see them.

I ran up the stairs and banged my hand on his door. Their parents had to go out and got me to watch them and give them company. I heard a yell saying what from inside. I asked him to come outside. I told him about the guys outside and he said to let them in after he cleans his room. It was weird but Dipper also smelt weired almost like smoke. Almost. I went down to go get the boys.

After I told them the could come in they ran up the stairs and opened Dipper's door. I didn't see anything until they came out ten minutes later.

Dipper's pov

I was sick of looking at people. The second I got home from Will's house I kicked Bill out. I threw in a panic! At the disco CD. I got out the cigarettes and what ever drugs I had left. This is what I usually do when life gets to hard. I drink, smoke, cut, and use whatever drug I had left.

When Bill told me about the boys I cleaned up the mess so I didn't have more insults. They came in and beat me to a pulp. Never aiming for the face. Always something that can be covered. That's what usually happens if they don't beat me up Friday. I took it then went back to doing nothing until mom and dad came home.

Everyone in my grade use to know me. We were all friends. Then middle school came and I was called names and became the outcast. Then Will moved here. He got called an outcast to. We became friends I was forced to go to school and that's a summery of the reason I have bad habits.


	10. Chapter 9

Dipper's pov

Great another week of school. Once again we had to drive Bill to school were he told us to wait for him after. I met up with Will. 

I really don't want to go to school today. "Hey man wanna skip," I asked him. He thought about it but soon agreed. On our way out I told him how Bill was staying with us and the little vist I got this weekend. We went to the woods behind the school were their was a clearing. 

We talked, sat in silence, or read. Maybe do a little bit of home work.

That's how school went until Thursday. It was after school. Just like the other three days I rushed so it looked like I just got out of class. Mabel drove home.

Once their I got some food and sat down eating while watching TV. Everything was normal until the phone rang. Up on the TV the caller ID said it was the school.

I jumped up, "I'LL GET IT," I yelled. By the time I reached the phone it was hung up and their was an evil looking Bill Cipher waiting for me.

"Hey Bill. What'd the school need. Something for you," Mabel asked entering the kitchen. "No. More on how your brother hasn't been to any of his classes the whole week. Including mine," he was angry. I gulped while he dragged me to our room.

Bill, Dipper, actions

I was thrown on my bed and looked up to meet an angry red eye.  
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!  
I WASN'T! I DIDN'T WANT TO FACE SCHOOL, THE PEOPLE, THE TEACHERS! YOU DON'T REALIZE HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME!  
I DON'T! YOU AVOID ME AND IGNORE ME! TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO UNDERSTAND!  
I DON'T KNOW AND DON'T CARE! SPEAKING OF, WHY WOULD YOU?!  
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!  
normal again.

WHAT! He loves me. I look at him again only for him to kiss me. 

"I love you Dipper. I know their are more scars on you then just your hips. Where are they. I want to help you. The only way for me to do that though is for you to help out also. I promise to help you and love you but you have to promise to help your self to." The words came out without thinking but I have no regrets to what I said. I look at him and said it, " I promise. " he kissed me again and we just cuddled up in my bed till we fell asleep.


	11. Chapter 10

A/N mostly fluff in this chapter!

Dipper's pov

I woke up and looked at my clock 10 am. WHAT! I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE AT SCHOOL 3 HOURS AGO. In the middle of my panic I saw Bill come in. I ran up to him demanding to know why i'm not at school. He laughed and answered, "I called the school and told them that you were sick and that I was staying home today to take care of you."

Ugh. Why did Bill have to make life so complicated. I walked out of my room into the living room. Before i walked down the stairs Bill grabbed me and walked down the stairs with me in his arms bridal style. We both sat down on the couch with a blanket over us. He already had a bowl of popcorn waiting and netflix set up with remote in hand. Seeing as of how I had the chance and should enjoy myself, I snuggled up next to Bill and we laid their watching random movies and just enjoying each others company.

The only problem with this is that i didn't fall asleep with a shirt on last night much less a long sleeve one, so when mabel came home and stared screaming at me I immediately knew why. She was staring at my wrist.

I ran up the stairs and threw on a long baggy t-shirt. After i ran back down the stairs I tried to look her in the eyes but I couldn't. 

She was opening and closing her mouth like a fish. Until the words finally came out, "why?....why Dipper?....Why would you do this to yourself......I thought that after all that we've been threw you would of at least known that you could cone talk to me....I'm your sister. I shouldn't of found out like this. You should of told me," By the end of her rant I still can't look her in the eyes but I can tell that she's in tears.

I walk up to her and give her a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Mabel. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm sorry. It's just over the years after the war with Bill i got into some nasty habits and started to hang with some bad people. When Bill showed up it only got worse. I can't promise you that I will stop, but I can promise you that I will try," while I was saying all of this I walked up to her and gave her a hug. 

Before you know it all three of us are on the couch eating popcorn watching random shit on netflix. The only downside is with Bill and I cuddling Mabel soon caught on and was teasing us and taking pictures for her scrapbook.


	12. Chapter 11

Bill's pov

I am so excited. Pine Tree is finally going to try and stop his bad habits. I can't wait.

TWO WEEKS LATER

I into the room that Pine Tree and i share. Only to find him on the floor with bleeding wrist weed and a bunch of alcohol surrounding him.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM!

I got out my phone and called 911 and told them everything that happed. After that I called Mabel who was at a friends house. We agreed to meet at the hospital. Right before i left to ride in the ambulance I found a note taped to the last bottle that was in his hands. I grabbed the note and ran to catch up with vehicle. I got their just in time.

At the hospital 

At this point i'm pacing with Mabel next to me ready to bust into tears. Her parents aren't here yet. In Fact they never answered their cell. I left them a voice message and hope they get it in time. Finally a doctor comes out all bloody up but relief on her face. She walks towards up.

"Are you part of the family of Dipper Pines," She looks up and ask. I walk over to her and answer, "Yes maim. My name is Bill and this is Mabel," I answered her and gesturing towards mabel with my hands.  
"Okay good news he's alive. Bad news is that he will most likely need therapy after this. Oh and you can go see him now he should be awake soon."

Mabel and I rushed into the room happy that he's alive. We sit down and suddenly hear him groan in pain, "ugh. What happed." I looked over at him and game him a hug avoiding the multiple chords and IVs stuck in his arms. 

I look at him and and speak, " Dipper what happened. We thought that you were getting better over the last two weeks. Suddenly I walk into our room to find out your drunk and dying with drugs surrounding you. I found your note, but the only thing it said was."

"Dear person,  
I'm sorry the real notes are in the notebooks under my bed if you want the truth about all of this and why I did it  
Sincerely,  
Dipper/Pine Tree"

I was crying I knew I was. Then again so was Mabel. He looked down and explained everything that happened.

Dipper's pov why he committed suicide 

The past two weeks were hard. I tried I truly did. But everyday got worse. I didn't drink, I didn't do any drugs, and I didn't skip school. Everyday the bullies got worse and worse. First it was the normal teasing. Then i would show up late to first hour late and after school. Then i got to every hour late. Then came today. One of the bullies gave me a bag and told me to use everything in the bag. When i said no he he grabbed Will and beat him to a pulp. He told me that before I say no again I will do it or the same thing will happen to my sister. Every thing in the bag was drug, alcohol, and razors. I went home and made sure I was alone. I didn't expect Bill to find me. 

The worst part was that I didn't even feel sorry while I was getting drunk. I didn't hesitate to cut my wrist open again to the point I would bleed all over the floor. The only thing I didn't want to do was leave a note.

Next thing I know I'm waking up in the hospital.


	13. Chapter 12/Epilouge

No one's pov

The next few weeks went buy in a flash. Dipper no longer lived with his parents. Instead he was staying with his gruncle stans back at the falls. He loves it their. He went to school at the local highschool and even became friends with Pacifica. No one cared about him dating Bill. Stanford and Stanley even offered to help so that no would find out about his wrist. 

Of course they felt sorry for him but nothing went by in the shack without them knowing. It didn't help that they had security camers everywhere in the shack and all sharp objects were locked up. Stanly instantly knew if he had beer or some sort of drug on him or if he was planning on sneaking out to do something stupid. Then their was Soos who was a good listener and Wendy who would fight him when he was to upset to do anything or think straight. Another good person was Robbie who after found out that Dipper had a good voice taught him guitar and how to wright music. He explained that as long as it was in the form off a song it would help. Pacifica also helped. Let's just say that Dipper became the gay best friend that she took shopping, asked for relation ship advice, and they would stay nights at each others houses watching chick flicks. Sometimes even Candy and Grenda even joined them.

Only Stanley, Stanford, Robbie, Soos, Wendy, and Pacifica knew about his problems and helped them everyway they could. When he went to vist Mabel the next break she was happy to see him with a smile on his face and short sleeved shirt on. Though their are a few scars you could barely see them. 

Everyone was happy by the time senior came Dipper and Bill were a happy couple. As was Mabel and Pacifica who looked like they weren't breaking up anytime soon. Both twins plus Bill shared a house in the falls along with Pacifica who in all honesty they were the happiest group of misfits alive.


End file.
